LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
