I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
