Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
