Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
