She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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