Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
