Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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