I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
