How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
