Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
