Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
