Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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