dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have aggressive nipples.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
is it fun? or sober?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize