Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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