Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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