Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
