Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
