I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
