Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
