He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He passed out mid-signature
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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