The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
