Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
