You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
