you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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