I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
