they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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