What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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