She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
