I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
