the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
whose ass print is on the piano?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
