hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
