it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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