if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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