So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
