she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
