Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
