did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
