If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
