I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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