Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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