Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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