yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
