oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
