shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
