batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you didnt know i had herpes?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
