then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
