My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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