i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
