While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
