I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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